Back Again (aka Round 2)

Well, here I am…it's been just over two years since my last post, the boyfriend I spoke about last time is now my fiancé, and it’s been just over a year since our “first” cigarette. We quit for nine months and relapsed. Why? I’m not sure I can say. When people ask, I always just say “life happened”, but I’m honestly not even sure myself what that means. I was strong… correction, I AM strong, and I was happy, so I’m not sure why I caved, but no matter. The truth of the situation is that I did, and now I’m back here, on day three, to make it right.

Besides why did you start again, the other question I've been asked is why quit now? If you're thinking this, you have a point; this is one of the most stressful times I have ever encountered in my life. I've recently been promoted and am learning a new job, I'm finally a senior at DePaul, I'm planning a wedding, and I'm managing a household with a cat, a one year old puppy, and Nick (the most wonderful fiancé a girl could ask for, by the way). So, isn't now a hard time? YES, but I don't believe there is ever an easy time, and the wedding is looming. In seven short months, we will be surrounded by all the people that love us on the most wonderful day I possibly can imagine. The last thing I want is to have to take a break from all of that to go outside in my crystal white dress and put a cigarette in my mouth. I want to enjoy every second of that day, not waste it smoking.

Why am I determined to make it this time? Shortly after the wedding, I will be graduating from DePaul, and then we will probably be thinking about a new home and munchkins. This time it's a change for my life, for our future, and for our future family. Nick and I have had many conversations at length on the subject, and we both agree that this is it, it is done. Our lives will never again be controlled by this inanimate object. We are determined to succeed and not be led astray again.

I suppose I do feel like a bit of shame coming back to the blog after failing the first time, but I need it. It helped when I felt an urge before and I know it will again. Plus, life is not about being perfect, right? It's all about the mistakes we make and our ability to learn from them. As Mom used to say... "try, try again.